1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,074 Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:42,598 --> 00:00:48,569 So then the obstetrician takes me and Marlene into this room and they've got a scanning machine, you know, 3 00:00:48,604 --> 00:00:51,125 one of them things they can see right inside the womb. 4 00:00:57,031 --> 00:01:04,140 Suddenly on this monitor screen we saw this shape. It was amazing. 5 00:01:04,666 --> 00:01:05,983 What was it? 6 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:11,099 It was a baby. What do you think it was, a Cornish pasty? 7 00:01:12,049 --> 00:01:14,357 I mean, was it a boy or a girl? 8 00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:16,905 I don't know. They don't give you a close-up! 9 00:01:17,821 --> 00:01:22,687 But I could just tell by the proud way it held its head that it was my child. 10 00:01:24,325 --> 00:01:26,944 Blown all them rumours to bits then, ain't it? 11 00:01:30,138 --> 00:01:35,799 Yeah, that's right. The doctors... What rumours? 12 00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:38,699 Well, a lot of people thought Marlene was imagining it, 13 00:01:38,734 --> 00:01:41,256 you know, like a phantom pregnancy. 14 00:01:41,291 --> 00:01:44,492 Oh no, I've seen the proof. It's all pukka. 15 00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:49,073 'Course there's still a long way to go; the baby's head is not yet engaged. 16 00:01:50,294 --> 00:01:55,119 But Rodney Trotter is. Look at him, poor little sod. 17 00:01:56,987 --> 00:02:00,030 If he's like this now, how's he gonna be like come the wedding? 18 00:02:00,065 --> 00:02:03,200 I've heard two of the bridesmaids are Samaritans. 19 00:02:05,367 --> 00:02:08,682 Come on, cheer up, son. It ain't the end of the world. 20 00:02:09,294 --> 00:02:11,794 So you've failed some silly little exam. 21 00:02:12,443 --> 00:02:14,772 I did not fail some silly little exam. 22 00:02:14,807 --> 00:02:16,550 You didn't pass, did you? 23 00:02:18,794 --> 00:02:20,794 It happened to be an extremely important exam. 24 00:02:20,629 --> 00:02:24,372 If I had passed that I would now have a diploma in computer science. 25 00:02:24,407 --> 00:02:26,834 It would have been the foundations of a real career. 26 00:02:27,530 --> 00:02:31,802 Instead of which I have all the prospects and future of a Sinclair C5. 27 00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:37,666 I just wanted to be somebody in Cassandra's eyes. 28 00:02:38,053 --> 00:02:40,970 With that diploma I could have applied for a proper job. 29 00:02:41,005 --> 00:02:42,804 Look on the bright side, son. 30 00:02:42,839 --> 00:02:45,219 You'd have most probably failed the interview. 31 00:02:45,254 --> 00:02:47,301 I've already passed the interview. 32 00:02:47,336 --> 00:02:48,611 How d'you mean? 33 00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,626 You promise you won't say a word to Del? 34 00:02:51,209 --> 00:02:54,345 Cassandra's dad's offered me a position in his company. 35 00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:57,917 See, he's expanding the computer section and he wants me to help run it. 36 00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:02,556 'Course, he was under the impression that this diploma exam was a foregone conclusion. 37 00:03:02,591 --> 00:03:03,926 Who told him that? 38 00:03:03,961 --> 00:03:08,432 Me. But that's not the only thing. 39 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:14,614 See, me and Cassandra, we found this really nice flat. It's really nice, you know, it's modern, everything. 40 00:03:14,649 --> 00:03:18,011 The only thing is we've got to put down a six-grand deposit. 41 00:03:18,389 --> 00:03:21,496 Cassandra is taking 2,000 out of her savings, 42 00:03:21,531 --> 00:03:23,996 her mum and dad are giving us two grand as a wedding present 43 00:03:24,031 --> 00:03:26,223 and it's up to me to find the other two. 44 00:03:26,258 --> 00:03:28,598 Where am I gonna find 2,000 pounds? 45 00:03:29,028 --> 00:03:33,397 With my savings and salary we'll be lucky if we get a weekend in a time-share tent. 46 00:03:34,367 --> 00:03:38,079 It was gonna be so good until that bloody exam. 47 00:03:38,114 --> 00:03:40,695 You can do one of two things, Rodney. 48 00:03:40,730 --> 00:03:43,410 You can go down the council and see if they've got a place 49 00:03:43,814 --> 00:03:48,199 or you can sell your share of the business to Del for 2,000 pounds. 50 00:03:48,902 --> 00:03:52,151 That's not a bad idea, Unc. I hadn't thought of that. 51 00:03:53,011 --> 00:03:55,452 Yeah, I'll go down the council this afternoon. 52 00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:01,371 Look at this. What have I got? 53 00:04:01,846 --> 00:04:04,954 Executive mobile phone, solid state of the art. 54 00:04:04,989 --> 00:04:07,643 You can phone someone from the top of a mountain with one of these. 55 00:04:07,737 --> 00:04:11,299 It's all to do with statellites or something. 56 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:17,005 They normally retail at �199.99. I got them for 25 nicker each. 57 00:04:18,399 --> 00:04:19,492 Where'd you get them from? 58 00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:20,953 You know that Mickey Pearce and Jevon? 59 00:04:20,988 --> 00:04:24,039 They started trading, you know, so I said I'd help them out. I've got a hundred of them. 60 00:04:24,074 --> 00:04:27,269 A hundred? Well, that two thousand five hundred pound. 61 00:04:27,304 --> 00:04:29,413 I didn't know we had that sort of money in the firm. 62 00:04:29,448 --> 00:04:31,875 No, no, no. I've got them on sale or return, haven't I? 63 00:04:31,910 --> 00:04:36,459 What I don't sell I return. Lovely Jubbly. So how did it go last night? 64 00:04:36,979 --> 00:04:37,498 How'd you mean? 65 00:04:37,672 --> 00:04:41,264 Well, down at the night school. You got the results of the exam. 66 00:04:42,847 --> 00:04:45,574 Mr Jamille said he hadn't had a chance to look at everyone's work yet. 67 00:04:45,951 --> 00:04:49,838 You've passed, Rodney. I can feel it. 68 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,657 With your diploma and my yuppy image we're on our way up 69 00:04:53,112 --> 00:04:56,740 and to celebrate the occasion I've just been down the printers 70 00:04:56,775 --> 00:05:04,489 and I have ordered 200 of these � Trotters Independent Traders headed notepaper. 71 00:05:04,907 --> 00:05:07,083 This'll let them know we're around. 72 00:05:07,118 --> 00:05:08,707 What's all those initials? 73 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:12,831 Modern business people only speak in initials, don't they? 74 00:05:12,866 --> 00:05:20,285 You've got FT, Financial Times, BA, British Airways, GLC, General 'Lectric Company. 75 00:05:20,751 --> 00:05:24,729 And we've got a list of company directors and all that. 76 00:05:24,764 --> 00:05:26,655 Oh yeah, you and me. 77 00:05:27,655 --> 00:05:30,832 What's these initials after my name? DIC. 78 00:05:33,328 --> 00:05:37,287 No, that is Diploma in Computerisation, Rodney. 79 00:05:38,990 --> 00:05:44,034 It's got impact, they'll see our high profile coming a mile off. 80 00:05:44,069 --> 00:05:47,569 Del, thanks to your high profile we now have a company called TIT 81 00:05:47,604 --> 00:05:50,648 and a director with DIC after his name. 82 00:05:51,172 --> 00:05:59,306 No, no, no. That stands for Trotters Independent Traders and DIC is Diploma in... TIT. 83 00:06:00,701 --> 00:06:05,433 I see what you mean Rodney. I'll better get on to the printer's on my executive mobile phone. 84 00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:15,761 - Compliments of the stud. - Who is that? It's Boycie. Alright? Cheers. 85 00:06:16,554 --> 00:06:18,552 Mike, come and have a look at this. 86 00:06:19,109 --> 00:06:25,936 An executive mobile phone. I can let you have this for what I paid - 40 nicker. 87 00:06:26,308 --> 00:06:29,787 - Forty eh? Nice-looking model. - It's top of the range. 88 00:06:32,150 --> 00:06:33,637 That aerial's a bit urgent, ain't it? 89 00:06:35,051 --> 00:06:39,801 It's called instant aerial. It's a feature of this particular model, you see. 90 00:06:39,802 --> 00:06:43,055 I'll show you how it works. I'll give you a little demonstration. 91 00:06:44,006 --> 00:06:45,800 First of all you press there... 92 00:07:03,192 --> 00:07:08,124 I know what that is, the statelite has moved out of position. 93 00:07:09,889 --> 00:07:12,455 Hang about, there'll be another one along in a minute. 94 00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:15,597 I think I'll stick to the phone in the public bar, Del. 95 00:07:15,632 --> 00:07:21,314 I'll let you have it for 35 quid. I don't mind losing a fiver for a mate. 96 00:07:22,363 --> 00:07:25,255 Don't worry. This time next year we'll be millionaires. 97 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:38,550 I thought Rodney said that video recorder could only work on continental electric? 98 00:07:38,908 --> 00:07:43,291 Yeah, that's why I popped over to Calais and got myself a couple of bucketfuls of it this morning. 99 00:07:43,791 --> 00:07:48,589 No, it's alright. Here, you know that Chinese kid who lives over in Desmond Tutu house? 100 00:07:50,875 --> 00:07:56,635 He's a bit of a boffin when it comes to the old electronics so I got him to fit an adaptoron the back of it for me. 101 00:07:56,670 --> 00:07:57,950 The Chinese kid? 102 00:07:57,985 --> 00:07:59,722 The one you always said was stupid? 103 00:07:59,757 --> 00:08:05,853 He's not stupid That Chinese kid is a bit of a genius when it comes to the old electronics. 104 00:08:05,888 --> 00:08:10,655 That diploma exam of yours wasn't as easy as you thought it'd be. 105 00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:12,268 Who told you that? Was that Albert? 106 00:08:12,303 --> 00:08:17,282 No, no, it wasn't. I bumped into that Mr Jamille, that teacher at your training college. 107 00:08:17,317 --> 00:08:20,697 Del, everything I did in that examination was correct - 108 00:08:20,732 --> 00:08:24,636 well, except for one minor miscalculation. 109 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:28,266 You see, we had to program a computer with a mock flight plan. 110 00:08:28,301 --> 00:08:32,429 It was supposed to be an unmanned space probe. Stupid. 111 00:08:32,464 --> 00:08:36,514 We was all given the information, you know: navigational data, 112 00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:39,936 analysis of payload ratio to engine capacity. 113 00:08:39,971 --> 00:08:42,748 Yeah, well, you need all that, don't you? 114 00:08:44,466 --> 00:08:48,117 But I got a bit confused between litres and gallons right? 115 00:08:48,443 --> 00:08:52,834 Round here in Peckham we don't have much dealing with continental measurements. 116 00:08:53,313 --> 00:08:58,919 So I didn't program enough fuel and my probe fell slightly short of Venus. 117 00:08:59,970 --> 00:09:02,349 He mentioned to Dartford. 118 00:09:04,489 --> 00:09:07,951 Listen, soppy, you don't actually know that you haven't passed. 119 00:09:07,986 --> 00:09:10,257 I mean, no one's told you that you've failed. 120 00:09:10,292 --> 00:09:13,907 Del, I do not need a weatherman to tell me when it's peeing down. 121 00:09:14,335 --> 00:09:18,628 Mr Jamille handed out all the diplomas the other night except for me. 122 00:09:19,104 --> 00:09:22,320 Well, you know, maybe he was busy, maybe he hadn't got round to looking at your yet. 123 00:09:22,355 --> 00:09:26,769 Del don't patronize me. Look, I naused it up and that's all there is to it. 124 00:09:26,804 --> 00:09:34,494 Right, OK. You know best. But Mr Jamille asked me to give you this. 125 00:09:35,706 --> 00:09:37,879 He wanted me to appologise for him 126 00:09:37,914 --> 00:09:40,382 and say he was very sorry but he'd been very busy 127 00:09:40,417 --> 00:09:43,452 an' he's only just got round to looking at your work. 128 00:09:43,768 --> 00:09:47,159 All that whinging and whinning and you'd passed all the time. 129 00:09:47,194 --> 00:09:50,639 - I don't believe it! - Here you are Rodney, you've done it! 130 00:09:50,985 --> 00:09:53,494 - I'm proud of you. - Cheers Del! 131 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,996 Now you can get that job you wanted, can't you? 132 00:09:56,031 --> 00:10:00,143 Yes, I won't have any prob... Who told you that? Was that Albert? 133 00:10:00,178 --> 00:10:03,233 No, it was not Albert; It was Cassandra's dad. 134 00:10:03,268 --> 00:10:04,869 You've met Cassandra's dad? 135 00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:07,503 Well, yeah, he's got that little printing firm 136 00:10:07,538 --> 00:10:09,739 and I wanted to get them letterheads printed, 137 00:10:09,774 --> 00:10:13,350 and I thought I'd take the business down to him, you now, keep it in the family. 138 00:10:13,385 --> 00:10:17,369 He's a nice bloke that Alan. We had a nice chat and a drink. 139 00:10:17,404 --> 00:10:19,043 But Cassandra's dad don't drink. 140 00:10:19,078 --> 00:10:21,077 Oh no, but this was a special occasion, wasn't it? 141 00:10:21,112 --> 00:10:24,939 The heads of two great households meeting for the first time. 142 00:10:26,263 --> 00:10:29,328 Well, it was a bit like a summit, so anyway we had a couple of scotches 143 00:10:29,363 --> 00:10:31,427 and that's when he told me he'd offered you the job. 144 00:10:31,462 --> 00:10:35,456 You're not upset, are you? 'Cos I mean I'm breaking up the partnership. 145 00:10:36,512 --> 00:10:44,093 Oh our partnership. Don't worry about that Rodney, you're doing the best thing. 146 00:10:44,418 --> 00:10:48,774 No you've got to go with that Alan 'cos you know he can offer you a future 147 00:10:48,809 --> 00:10:50,476 which is more than I can. 148 00:10:50,511 --> 00:10:54,682 Anyway, you've got to have a proper job to get a mortgage for your new flat. 149 00:10:55,747 --> 00:10:58,839 Who told you that? Was that Cassandra's dad? 150 00:10:58,874 --> 00:11:04,190 No, Albert told me. So what you doing about the deposit then? 151 00:11:04,225 --> 00:11:08,407 Oh I dunno, mate. Where am I gonna get two thousand pounds? 152 00:11:09,089 --> 00:11:12,323 - Off your big brother. - What? 153 00:11:12,764 --> 00:11:16,325 I'm giving you 2,000 pounds as a wedding present. 154 00:11:17,180 --> 00:11:19,014 Where are you gonna get that sort of money? 155 00:11:19,205 --> 00:11:22,006 I'm owed it, ain't I? I'll just call in my debts. 156 00:11:22,733 --> 00:11:24,779 What, you mean I can tell Cassandra and her dad? 157 00:11:24,814 --> 00:11:27,252 You can tell the Daily Mirror for all I care! 158 00:11:28,664 --> 00:11:30,986 Well. That'll be her. Cheers! 159 00:11:37,395 --> 00:11:39,884 Where are you gonna get all that money from? 160 00:11:41,491 --> 00:11:45,314 You know these video recorders I sold along Boycie a few months ago. 161 00:11:45,349 --> 00:11:48,430 Well, he still hasn't weighed in with the old dosharoonies. 162 00:11:48,465 --> 00:11:50,952 So I'll get the money off him and give it to Rodney 163 00:11:50,987 --> 00:11:54,665 and it'll all be rez de chasse, as they say in the Dordogne. 164 00:11:56,241 --> 00:11:57,235 Look who's here. 165 00:11:57,270 --> 00:11:59,693 - Hello darling, alright? - Hello, Del. Alright Albert. 166 00:11:59,728 --> 00:12:03,355 - Hello, love. - You passed. 167 00:12:04,427 --> 00:12:06,509 Oh you clever old thing. 168 00:12:07,039 --> 00:12:09,382 Oh well, you know, it was nothing. 169 00:12:11,169 --> 00:12:14,055 Oh by the way, would you ask your dad how he'd like the deposit paid? 170 00:12:14,090 --> 00:12:15,809 You know, cash or cheque. 171 00:12:15,844 --> 00:12:17,558 - You got the 2,000? - Of course. 172 00:12:17,593 --> 00:12:21,146 I don't think he cares if it's cash or a cheque. 173 00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:23,091 Oh well, that's cool. 174 00:12:23,477 --> 00:12:26,450 - You're going out tonight, sweetheart? - Yes, we're going to see an Italian film. 175 00:12:26,485 --> 00:12:30,266 Oh getting in the mood for your honeymoon in Rimini, eh? 176 00:12:30,301 --> 00:12:31,679 Oh shut up. 177 00:12:33,314 --> 00:12:36,543 Here, how you gonna understand that film if it's all in foreign? 178 00:12:36,578 --> 00:12:38,742 No, it's got English subtitles underneath. 179 00:12:38,777 --> 00:12:41,200 Oh Albert wouldn't bother with the subtitles. 180 00:12:41,235 --> 00:12:43,960 - He can speak Italian? - No, he can't read. 181 00:12:46,454 --> 00:12:49,634 Oh that's a coincidence. My dad's just come home with one of these. 182 00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:52,388 Has he? Oh well, there's a thing. Hope your mum's pleased. 183 00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:55,187 Well, no actually, he came home absolutely plastered. 184 00:12:59,615 --> 00:13:03,304 Go on, sit down! Where's the machine? 185 00:13:03,819 --> 00:13:07,373 It's gonna be alright now. Alright? Here we go. I've done it at last! 186 00:13:08,044 --> 00:13:09,930 We're off and running! 187 00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:23,106 Oh that stupid Chinese kid. Why did I ever trust him? 188 00:13:24,907 --> 00:13:26,683 Right, I'll see you later, then. 189 00:13:27,554 --> 00:13:29,862 Yeah go on, enjoy the film. 190 00:13:33,292 --> 00:13:36,804 Here, I'm really pleased Rodney's got his diploma. 191 00:13:37,228 --> 00:13:39,732 Lucky you bumped into that Mr Jamille, innit? 192 00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:43,070 - How much d'you give him? - 150. 193 00:13:46,247 --> 00:13:48,607 It comes complete with batteries 194 00:13:48,642 --> 00:13:53,936 plus a little attachment so you can attach it to the dashboard of your car. 195 00:13:53,971 --> 00:13:56,725 and all of that for 35 pounds. 196 00:13:56,760 --> 00:14:01,533 Del, watch my lips very closely. I do not want one. 197 00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:04,241 Only an idiot would buy one of those things. 198 00:14:04,774 --> 00:14:10,722 - You got one? - No, I haven't... I'm thinking of getting one though. 199 00:14:12,521 --> 00:14:15,088 Well done, Trigg. I'll show you how it works, shall I? 200 00:14:16,435 --> 00:14:21,558 Excuse me, gentlemen, business. Bocie, can I have a word with you? 201 00:14:24,453 --> 00:14:30,162 When are you gonna weigh in with the money for those video recorders I sold you. 202 00:14:30,197 --> 00:14:34,438 Del, I have told you before I am not paying you for them. They don't work. 203 00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:36,439 Listen, I've solved that problem. 204 00:14:36,474 --> 00:14:41,787 There's a little Chinese kid over on my estate, now he's an electronic genius, 205 00:14:41,822 --> 00:14:44,096 now you give me the three and a half that you owe me 206 00:14:44,131 --> 00:14:48,228 and I'll get him to fix adaptors on all your machines. They'll sell like hot cakes. 207 00:14:48,606 --> 00:14:52,436 Del, I've got to be honest with you. I am skint. 208 00:14:52,471 --> 00:14:54,765 Oh don't give me that, Boycie. 209 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,208 It's the truth! Marlene's pregnancy is costing me an arm and a leg. 210 00:14:58,746 --> 00:15:01,928 She's at a dodgy age for knocking out her first chavvy. 211 00:15:03,126 --> 00:15:07,492 She needs to be under constant surveillance by a very expensive group of medical experts. 212 00:15:07,527 --> 00:15:10,087 She's already had a week in a private ward. 213 00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:12,085 Can't she go on the National Health? 214 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,182 Well, of course she can't. 215 00:15:13,217 --> 00:15:16,992 I can't expect my wife to mix with all those ordinary patients. 216 00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:20,493 Have you seen the way some of them dress? 217 00:15:20,842 --> 00:15:23,736 Look, I've got Rodney�s wedding coming up. I need that money. 218 00:15:23,771 --> 00:15:31,105 I am just potless, Del, and that is no lie. It's the kipper's season, nobody is buying cars. 219 00:15:31,106 --> 00:15:34,822 I will pay you that money as soon as things pick up. 220 00:15:34,857 --> 00:15:36,809 It'll be too late by then! 221 00:15:36,844 --> 00:15:41,467 I am sorry, Del Boy. You cannot get blood out of a stone. 222 00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:48,921 Oh talking of blood, I heard the Driscoll brothers were looking for you. 223 00:15:50,206 --> 00:15:52,237 Driscoll brothers looking for me? What they looking for with me? 224 00:15:52,272 --> 00:15:54,906 I never deal with the Driscoll brothers. I make sure of that. 225 00:15:54,941 --> 00:15:57,622 Well, perhaps they want to look at Rodney's wedding list? 226 00:15:59,195 --> 00:16:00,486 Very funny. 227 00:16:00,949 --> 00:16:03,183 Half a shandy, please, Michael. 228 00:16:06,334 --> 00:16:08,756 I guessed I'd find you here, you toerag. 229 00:16:09,512 --> 00:16:12,532 Alan, what a pleasant surprise. 230 00:16:12,817 --> 00:16:17,451 Here, look who's here. Cassandra's dad, Rodney's future father-in-law. 231 00:16:19,399 --> 00:16:21,134 Let me shake you by the hand, Alan. 232 00:16:21,169 --> 00:16:24,238 You're a brave man letting a Trotter into your family. 233 00:16:24,721 --> 00:16:25,804 Rodney's is a good lad, I like him. 234 00:16:25,839 --> 00:16:27,247 That's right. He's one in a million. 235 00:16:27,282 --> 00:16:31,690 Now you come and sit down over here, Alan, get away from all this riff-raf. What you drinking. 236 00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:33,726 Just a lemonade for me, thanks Del. 237 00:16:33,761 --> 00:16:36,154 That drink I had with you last week, it knocked me sideways. 238 00:16:36,189 --> 00:16:38,524 I hardly touch the stuff these days, and Pam, my wife, 239 00:16:38,559 --> 00:16:40,409 she doesn't really agree with drinking. 240 00:16:40,444 --> 00:16:43,605 You ought to get out of her, you know, get yourself a younger model. 241 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:47,301 Yeah, but she's been with me for so long she's almost one of the family. 242 00:16:49,325 --> 00:16:51,537 Go on, I'll have a small scotch, but that's me lot. 243 00:16:51,572 --> 00:16:54,970 Alright, then. Can I have a small scotch and the usual for me, please. 244 00:16:55,005 --> 00:16:56,721 Here, what you done to your eye? 245 00:16:56,756 --> 00:17:00,301 Oh yeah, the aerial on that phone you sold me came out a bit fast. 246 00:17:00,632 --> 00:17:02,924 Oh yeah? Well you had a few sherbets, hadn't you though? 247 00:17:04,306 --> 00:17:05,764 Anyway, what you doing round here? 248 00:17:05,799 --> 00:17:09,113 I got bit bored. There's something wrong with our television. 249 00:17:09,623 --> 00:17:14,265 So I thought I'd pop round here and have a chat about the wedding arrangements. 250 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:17,512 You know, I think you should make some sort of contribution to the proceedings. 251 00:17:17,987 --> 00:17:19,993 Oh yeah, of course. 252 00:17:20,028 --> 00:17:22,881 I mean, what sort of a hall do you think we should hire? 253 00:17:23,449 --> 00:17:26,648 Well, you know, I don't think we ought to go mad, you know, 254 00:17:26,683 --> 00:17:29,875 it's only a registry office wedding, ain't it, eh? 255 00:17:30,978 --> 00:17:35,172 Actually, he's got a very nice hall here, you know, and it's cheap. 256 00:17:35,495 --> 00:17:38,906 D'you know if I had my way that's exactly where we'd hold the reception 257 00:17:39,282 --> 00:17:42,235 a good old knees-up in a pub and plenty of jellied eels. 258 00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,354 Well, this place is perfect, innit? And it's cheap. 259 00:17:44,389 --> 00:17:47,893 Yeah, yeah. But my wife Pam, she's gone all up-market on the idea. 260 00:17:47,928 --> 00:17:51,404 She wants to hold the reception in a cricket club pavilion or the country club. 261 00:17:51,879 --> 00:17:54,922 Oh yeah, she's got it all planned out. It's all Dom Perignon and caviar. 262 00:17:56,964 --> 00:17:59,153 Not a jellied eel in sight. So what do you think? 263 00:17:59,188 --> 00:18:01,953 Well, I reckon you ought to put your foot down, you know. 264 00:18:01,988 --> 00:18:04,222 How much is this gonna cot me then? 265 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:08,270 Cost you? Oh Del, it's not gonna cost you a penny. 266 00:18:08,305 --> 00:18:11,105 My only child's getting married and I'm paying for the lot. 267 00:18:11,140 --> 00:18:13,251 Yeah, but I thought you said you wanted me to make a contribution. 268 00:18:13,286 --> 00:18:15,269 Yeah, with ideas and opinions. 269 00:18:18,881 --> 00:18:23,786 Actually, your missus has got a point, hasn't she? 270 00:18:24,377 --> 00:18:27,707 You know, I don't think that you and me ought to be selfish, should we? 271 00:18:27,742 --> 00:18:31,254 After all, it is for the happy couple, it is their big day. 272 00:18:31,503 --> 00:18:33,185 You don't like those sort of surroundings, do you? 273 00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:35,779 I mean champagne, caviar, country clubs. 274 00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:38,554 Oh no, Alan, I hate it, I hate it, it's all put on. 275 00:18:38,589 --> 00:18:41,211 I mean, those people just do things for effect. 276 00:18:47,369 --> 00:18:50,040 Boycie, Trigg, your minicab's here. 277 00:18:58,647 --> 00:19:01,872 You two still haven't got the hang of those revolving doors, have you? 278 00:19:02,999 --> 00:19:04,185 Can we have a word, Del? 279 00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:08,021 Yeah, 'course you can yeah. Michael, get Mickey and Jevon a drink, will you? 280 00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:13,389 Those mobile phones we gave you. You got the money for them yet? 281 00:19:13,424 --> 00:19:15,406 Of course I haven't. I haven't sold 'em yet. 282 00:19:15,441 --> 00:19:16,910 - Oh my Goodens! - Oh bloody hell! 283 00:19:17,246 --> 00:19:18,900 What's up with you two? 284 00:19:20,841 --> 00:19:21,852 I'll see you, Del. 285 00:19:21,887 --> 00:19:25,272 Yeah, cheers, Alan. Glad you enjoyed the drink. 286 00:19:27,686 --> 00:19:29,980 Here, Del, that's a stroke of luck. 287 00:19:30,015 --> 00:19:33,744 He's hired my hall for the wedding reception and I'm doing all the food and drink. 288 00:19:34,172 --> 00:19:35,976 Where am I gonna get jellied eels from? 289 00:19:36,011 --> 00:19:39,822 I'll talk to you later. I don't believe it! 290 00:19:39,857 --> 00:19:42,474 See, those phones we gave you Del, they weren't ours. 291 00:19:42,509 --> 00:19:44,290 We could have had a nice country club. 292 00:19:44,325 --> 00:19:46,572 We had them on sale or return, same as you. 293 00:19:46,607 --> 00:19:49,681 We could have been eating caviar instead of Mike's scotch eggs. 294 00:19:49,716 --> 00:19:51,289 Del, they want their money. 295 00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:56,786 I'm a caviar person, me, you know, most probably. Who wants their money? 296 00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:59,779 - The Driscoll brothers. - The Driscoll brothers? 297 00:19:59,814 --> 00:20:01,961 You two have been dealing with the Driscoll brothers? 298 00:20:01,996 --> 00:20:04,717 Only with those mobile phones. We thought they'd be a good seller. 299 00:20:05,364 --> 00:20:09,156 They did that to you, ain't they? And your Gregory. 300 00:20:09,191 --> 00:20:12,876 That is their trademark, they don't touch the face 301 00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:14,903 but they knock the hell out of the body. 302 00:20:14,938 --> 00:20:17,725 Danny Driscoll said this was a friendly warning. 303 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,876 I'm sorry, Del, we had to tell him you'd taken the phones. 304 00:20:20,911 --> 00:20:23,406 They've got it in their heads that you're trying to con them. 305 00:20:23,441 --> 00:20:25,671 They're looking for you, Del. 306 00:20:25,706 --> 00:20:29,382 I know, I know. I've had a warning. But let me tell you this: 307 00:20:29,882 --> 00:20:33,918 If I end up supporting a flyover on the M26, 308 00:20:34,209 --> 00:20:37,958 I guarantee that you two are gonna be in the next junction. 309 00:20:38,892 --> 00:20:41,628 Let me get you a drink, gentlemen. 310 00:20:42,315 --> 00:20:44,924 Alright, what is all this about the Driscoll brothers? 311 00:20:44,959 --> 00:20:46,555 Nothing, nothing at all. 312 00:20:46,590 --> 00:20:48,763 Listen, if the Driscoll brothers come in here asking for me, 313 00:20:48,798 --> 00:20:50,171 you ain't seen me, alright? 314 00:20:50,206 --> 00:20:52,433 Listen, I've heard of the Driscoll bothers, Del, 315 00:20:52,468 --> 00:20:54,244 but I've never seen them. What they look like? 316 00:20:54,279 --> 00:20:57,737 Well, one of them looks like he was evicted from the planet of the apes. 317 00:20:57,772 --> 00:21:01,670 Yeah, and the other one reminds me of Cliff Richard. 318 00:21:01,705 --> 00:21:03,691 What, he's younger than his years? 319 00:21:03,726 --> 00:21:06,595 No, he's got one of them faces that you wanna slap. 320 00:21:08,032 --> 00:21:10,015 Here, Trigg, did you get Alan off home alright? 321 00:21:10,050 --> 00:21:12,107 Yeah. There was almost an accident. 322 00:21:12,142 --> 00:21:15,684 The minicab driver nearly reversed into the Driscoll brothers' Mercedes. 323 00:21:15,719 --> 00:21:18,381 The Driscoll brothers are here? What door they coming in? 324 00:21:18,416 --> 00:21:20,077 Well, I dunno. They're just getting out the car. 325 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,001 Upstairs! Hide in the hall. Quickly! 326 00:21:37,510 --> 00:21:39,571 Boycie, how nice. 327 00:21:39,606 --> 00:21:43,963 Hello, Danny. Your brother not with you? 328 00:21:48,244 --> 00:21:50,226 Oh wotcher, Tony. 329 00:21:57,986 --> 00:21:59,404 Drink? 330 00:21:59,439 --> 00:22:02,735 No. Is that right Marlene's up the spout? 331 00:22:04,681 --> 00:22:10,841 Dear, dear, dear. Will you let us know the moment you find out who done it and we'll sort him out. 332 00:22:14,775 --> 00:22:16,808 Yeah, righto, Danny. 333 00:22:22,715 --> 00:22:24,532 Yeah, good one, Danny, good one. 334 00:22:26,637 --> 00:22:28,170 Del Boy around? 335 00:22:28,205 --> 00:22:30,606 No, no. I ain't seen him this evening. 336 00:22:30,641 --> 00:22:34,504 Well, that's funny. His van's in the car park and - what's this? 337 00:22:35,050 --> 00:22:42,641 A Castella, a Malibu reef. Are you sure he's not around? Think hard, guv'nor. 338 00:22:43,658 --> 00:22:46,593 Well, he may have been in earlier and then he left! 339 00:22:46,628 --> 00:22:49,967 I see. You just had this place decorated? 340 00:22:51,178 --> 00:22:57,954 Shame. I wanna buy everyone in this pub a drink, whatever they want. 341 00:22:58,757 --> 00:23:03,204 Now here's a pound and I want change. 342 00:23:06,565 --> 00:23:09,006 Large cognac, please, Michael. 343 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,078 Keep still. 344 00:23:18,487 --> 00:23:24,255 Trigg, what you doing here? It's got nothing to do with you. 345 00:23:24,290 --> 00:23:25,768 What are you doing here with us? 346 00:23:25,803 --> 00:23:29,153 I dunno really. You said quick upstairs so I just went. 347 00:23:36,551 --> 00:23:40,654 There's a doorknob there, Tony. Why don't you just turn it like a human being? 348 00:24:23,469 --> 00:24:25,385 Let's try the bogs. 349 00:24:29,994 --> 00:24:31,450 They're going! 350 00:24:32,341 --> 00:24:33,755 We're in the clear. 351 00:24:48,407 --> 00:24:50,980 He's got one of our phones up his nose. 352 00:24:52,152 --> 00:24:53,817 That's a good idea, innit? 353 00:24:54,243 --> 00:25:00,749 - Everything alright Del? - Fine, I just got this phone stuck up my nose, that's all. 354 00:25:01,136 --> 00:25:06,354 - Tony, help the man. - That's alright Tony, I can do that. 355 00:25:11,491 --> 00:25:14,483 I thought I said I didn't want to see your faces round here any more. 356 00:25:14,751 --> 00:25:17,186 - Yes, Mr Driscoll. - Thank you Mr Driscoll. 357 00:25:18,697 --> 00:25:20,939 - That goes for you too. - Yeah, but... 358 00:25:20,974 --> 00:25:24,066 Go on Trigg, see you later. 359 00:25:25,929 --> 00:25:29,065 You owe us 2,000 pounds. You got the money? 360 00:25:29,100 --> 00:25:31,245 No, of course I haven't. I haven't sold the phones yet, have I? 361 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,321 Don't give us that, Derek. 362 00:25:33,645 --> 00:25:36,792 Them two youngsters Ebony and Ivory took the phones from us 363 00:25:36,827 --> 00:25:38,410 over three months ago. 364 00:25:38,445 --> 00:25:41,086 Three months? I didn't know that, Danny. 365 00:25:41,725 --> 00:25:43,465 Do you think we're stupid? 366 00:25:45,528 --> 00:25:47,343 Do you think I'm stupid? 367 00:25:48,905 --> 00:25:52,502 Them two munchkins work for you and you're doing a bit of a Fagin, 368 00:25:52,978 --> 00:25:55,132 but you picked the wrong ones this time. 369 00:25:55,774 --> 00:25:57,399 If you don't come up with the two grand 370 00:25:57,434 --> 00:26:00,753 I'm gonna take his collar and lead off and let him loose on you. 371 00:26:02,286 --> 00:26:05,468 Hang on! You got it wrong, you've got it all wrong. 372 00:26:05,503 --> 00:26:07,286 I tell you what: you can have all the phones back. 373 00:26:07,321 --> 00:26:08,821 I don't want all that old rubbish back. 374 00:26:08,856 --> 00:26:10,401 They used to make our telly go funny. 375 00:26:11,531 --> 00:26:16,118 And that model's old now, and at least one of them's been up your hooter. 376 00:26:16,553 --> 00:26:18,771 You've got to give me a bit of time. 377 00:26:18,806 --> 00:26:20,961 I mean, you two ain't short of a couple of grand, can yer? 378 00:26:21,060 --> 00:26:23,469 And you know why we ain't short a few bob? 379 00:26:24,654 --> 00:26:26,476 'Cos we don't let debts linger. 380 00:26:29,445 --> 00:26:31,535 Can we explain something to you, Del? 381 00:26:33,524 --> 00:26:37,119 When me and Tony were kids we was very, very poor. 382 00:26:38,121 --> 00:26:42,317 Our old man used to work in the stables in one of them big mansion houses. 383 00:26:42,790 --> 00:26:47,520 He used to work from six in the morning 'til eight at night and what for? A pittance. 384 00:26:47,555 --> 00:26:50,710 A shilling a day and a horseshit sandwich. 385 00:26:52,123 --> 00:26:54,480 Then one day there was a robbery at the mansion. 386 00:26:54,731 --> 00:26:58,217 The bill arrested our old man, but there wasn't any evidence, was there? 387 00:26:58,252 --> 00:27:04,857 - That's right - just fingerprints. - Just fingerprints. 388 00:27:05,485 --> 00:27:07,338 And eyewitnesses. 389 00:27:07,867 --> 00:27:11,601 Couple of eyewitnesses... They found the jewels on him. 390 00:27:11,636 --> 00:27:12,824 It was a plant. 391 00:27:14,797 --> 00:27:19,713 It was a right fit-up. He died in a police cell with a fractured skull. 392 00:27:20,313 --> 00:27:27,569 They said it was a suicide attempt that went wrong, or right, whatever way you look at it. 393 00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:29,891 They claimed he tried to hang himself with his braces 394 00:27:29,926 --> 00:27:36,546 and smashed himself to death on the ceiling. Do you believe that? 395 00:27:37,005 --> 00:27:39,022 No, no, I don't believe that, no. 396 00:27:40,611 --> 00:27:42,372 The day he died, Tony and me swore that... 397 00:27:42,407 --> 00:27:46,788 ...no one would ever dump on us and we would never, never be poor. 398 00:27:46,823 --> 00:27:51,009 Wait a minute! After your dad died you two went to a young offenders' home, 399 00:27:51,044 --> 00:27:53,093 and who was it that used to look after your old mum 400 00:27:53,128 --> 00:27:56,579 with some hooky groceries and a bag of coal and all that � it was me, weren't it, eh? 401 00:27:56,614 --> 00:28:02,447 Come on, you owe me. No, I mean, you owe me a bit of time at least. 402 00:28:03,451 --> 00:28:05,611 - He's right. - No, he ain't. 403 00:28:05,951 --> 00:28:08,162 - We owe him. - I don't think we do. 404 00:28:08,442 --> 00:28:14,926 Tony, we had an agreement - I do the thinking, you don't. 405 00:28:18,005 --> 00:28:20,312 Alright, Del, you got yourself a bit of time. 406 00:28:20,347 --> 00:28:22,534 Cheers, cheers, Danny. When will I see you again? 407 00:28:22,569 --> 00:28:27,279 - Dunno. We'll surprise you. - Good. I'll look forward to that. 408 00:28:27,724 --> 00:28:29,947 - Get the money. - Right. 409 00:28:30,568 --> 00:28:34,203 Either you pay us or we pay you. 410 00:28:38,026 --> 00:28:41,441 Oh hello, Danny. Just popped up to see if you needed any help. 411 00:28:41,476 --> 00:28:48,878 No, I think we handled it pretty well on our own. Be seeing you soon. 412 00:28:56,416 --> 00:29:00,863 Del, Mickey Pearce has just told me you got some electrionic equipment off the Driscolls. 413 00:29:00,898 --> 00:29:04,240 - Yes, that's right. - It's not those video recorders you sold me, is it? 414 00:29:06,497 --> 00:29:10,590 - Yes! - God, do the Driscolls know? 415 00:29:10,625 --> 00:29:13,883 I haven't said anything, you know, yet. 416 00:29:14,176 --> 00:29:16,263 Well, you're not gonna tell them I got them, are you? 417 00:29:16,298 --> 00:29:18,863 Look, they wanna give someone a good hidin'. 418 00:29:19,460 --> 00:29:21,832 Tell us what it was like, won't you, Boycie? 419 00:29:23,450 --> 00:29:26,288 Here... Here's most of the money I owe you. 420 00:29:26,323 --> 00:29:27,805 I thought you said you was kint? 421 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:32,507 I thought I was but then I suddenly happened to find three grad in my pocket. 422 00:29:33,169 --> 00:29:35,446 Square it with the Driscolls. Keep them off me. 423 00:29:35,481 --> 00:29:40,144 Of course I will, Boyce. What are friends for? 424 00:29:41,749 --> 00:29:44,829 So remember, Rodney, marriage is like a self-service restaurant 425 00:29:44,864 --> 00:29:48,185 you get what you want, you see what your mates got and you want some of that. 426 00:29:51,277 --> 00:29:54,890 I remember my stag night, Rodney. It was about one o'clock in the car park 427 00:29:54,925 --> 00:29:57,972 and I was just about to stagger home when they jumped out on me. 428 00:29:59,647 --> 00:30:01,711 Who, who jumped out on you? 429 00:30:02,274 --> 00:30:04,034 I dunno. It was pitch black. 430 00:30:04,923 --> 00:30:09,671 Anyway, they super-glued a learner sign to me pants and run off and left me. 431 00:30:12,620 --> 00:30:16,443 I didn't mind the learner sign. I just wish they'd let me keep my trousers. 432 00:30:17,857 --> 00:30:21,224 You didn't, you didn't have no trousers on? 433 00:30:22,741 --> 00:30:25,846 - No, Rodney, no. - I'm just popping out. 434 00:30:26,142 --> 00:30:31,743 Albert, just a minute. While you're up there, put another score in the whip. 435 00:30:35,575 --> 00:30:41,355 Oh look, there he goes, hi-hoe. Alright mate? 436 00:30:41,390 --> 00:30:43,792 Fancy putting your head on upside down! 437 00:30:47,153 --> 00:30:50,358 - I fought in the war. - What? The Boer War? 438 00:30:50,393 --> 00:30:52,763 Go on, get out of here, you miserable old so-and-so. 439 00:30:52,798 --> 00:30:54,893 Here listen lads. There was this fellow, he was really short. 440 00:30:54,928 --> 00:30:59,344 I tell you how short he was. He got a job at mothercare as a bouncer, that's how short he was. 441 00:30:59,379 --> 00:31:01,015 He was so short, well, he... 442 00:31:01,885 --> 00:31:07,253 Well, he wasn't that short... A tall feller, he was very tall... 443 00:31:09,128 --> 00:31:11,119 There was this woman... 444 00:31:11,752 --> 00:31:15,599 Del, I don't wish to spoil the surprise, but the Driscol brothers have just arrived. 445 00:31:15,634 --> 00:31:18,654 Oh have they? Well, let them wait a while, can't they? 446 00:31:19,363 --> 00:31:20,383 Do you need any backup? 447 00:31:20,418 --> 00:31:23,120 No, it's alright, Denzil, thanks. Thanks a lot. 448 00:31:23,536 --> 00:31:25,630 No, don't worry. I've got their money. 449 00:31:26,286 --> 00:31:28,025 Are you having a good time, Del? 450 00:31:28,234 --> 00:31:32,215 Yes, yes, I'm having a blinding time, Rodders, yeah, yeah. 451 00:31:32,629 --> 00:31:34,587 I get married in two days' time. 452 00:31:34,622 --> 00:31:37,251 Yeah, I know. You wanna keep off the sherbet, 453 00:31:37,286 --> 00:31:39,956 otherwise you're gonna have a hangover on your honeymoon. 454 00:31:42,933 --> 00:31:46,720 - Oi, Del at the cerem... - Ceremony yeah, right... 455 00:31:51,051 --> 00:31:53,490 they won't say my middle name will they? 456 00:31:53,525 --> 00:31:57,477 No, no. He'll just call you, you know, like Rodney Trotter... 457 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:03,902 I wanna thank you, Del. You've done everything for me in my life. 458 00:32:04,266 --> 00:32:06,155 Yes, alright. Shut up, Rodney. 459 00:32:08,215 --> 00:32:13,299 He looked after me when I was a kid, when I was a nipper. 460 00:32:13,709 --> 00:32:15,444 Yeah, I know, Rodney. I remember. 461 00:32:15,994 --> 00:32:18,077 He did everything for me. 462 00:32:18,112 --> 00:32:22,450 I mean, if it wasn't for him, right, I could have been a drunk... 463 00:32:24,605 --> 00:32:32,097 or I could have been a snu-gliffer or anything. 464 00:32:32,568 --> 00:32:36,372 And I tell you something else about this man: 465 00:32:36,407 --> 00:32:41,057 he's giving me 2,000 pounds as a deposit on my flat. 466 00:32:44,279 --> 00:32:48,151 - I forgot that. - Oh hell. 467 00:32:52,230 --> 00:32:57,738 Rodney, alright, you stay here, right? You just listen to the funny man, alright? 468 00:32:58,226 --> 00:32:59,538 Back in a minute. 469 00:32:59,979 --> 00:33:02,208 Course, my wife, she used to sell ice creams in the cinema. 470 00:33:02,243 --> 00:33:04,721 When we got married she went up the aisle backwards. 471 00:33:05,518 --> 00:33:07,415 She was lovely. We were driving home one night and she said, 472 00:33:07,450 --> 00:33:09,585 'Would you like to see where I had the operation?' I said, 'Yeah'. 473 00:33:09,620 --> 00:33:12,219 She said, 'See the hospital up there on the hill...' 474 00:33:13,328 --> 00:33:18,066 I'll tell you. Del, right, he's the bestest bloke in the world. 475 00:33:18,559 --> 00:33:24,337 Yeah, I know. Listen, Rodney, sometimes people say things that they mean, 476 00:33:24,604 --> 00:33:28,708 - what they really mean is... - What you mean? 477 00:33:29,682 --> 00:33:33,726 Well, sometimes they promise things and they really mean to keep that promise, 478 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,694 but other things stop them from doing it. 479 00:33:55,307 --> 00:33:57,220 Are you in the bathroom? 480 00:34:00,541 --> 00:34:03,304 Thanks for walking out and leaving me like that. 481 00:34:04,732 --> 00:34:12,818 Sorry! I had too much to drink. I felt bad. I'm still feeling a bit rough Rodney. 482 00:34:12,853 --> 00:34:15,673 Oh and thanks for not giving me that money. 483 00:34:16,732 --> 00:34:20,139 Denzil explained that you had something more important to spend it on! 484 00:34:20,174 --> 00:34:24,672 You promised me. I've told Cassandra and her mum and dad and everything. 485 00:34:24,707 --> 00:34:28,906 I said I've got the money. What am I gonna look like now, eh? 486 00:34:29,408 --> 00:34:31,320 I'll tell you what I'm gonna look like now. 487 00:34:31,355 --> 00:34:34,462 I'm gonna look like a right tit-head, that's what I'll look like. 488 00:34:37,154 --> 00:34:40,171 Your money's on the table. 489 00:34:58,637 --> 00:35:06,249 - Del? Thanks. - It's alright, bruv. It was a pleasure. 490 00:35:08,671 --> 00:35:14,443 - Del... I'm sorry, right? - Shut up, you tart. 491 00:35:15,940 --> 00:35:18,567 You're still gonna be my best man, aren't you? 492 00:35:18,931 --> 00:35:24,479 - Yeah, 'course I am. - We'll have a good old knees-up eh? 493 00:35:24,514 --> 00:35:27,399 I think I've had enough of that for one night, Rodney. 494 00:35:29,296 --> 00:35:32,944 And I tell you what - we'll have a good old sing-song. 495 00:35:32,979 --> 00:35:37,816 Yeah, as long as you don't mind me sounding like the Bee Gees. 496 00:35:39,992 --> 00:35:43,370 - I do solemnly declare. - I do solemnly declare. 497 00:35:43,405 --> 00:35:48,401 - That I know of no lawful impediment. - That I know of no lawful impediment. 498 00:35:48,436 --> 00:35:53,833 That I may not be joined in matrimony to this woman, Cassandra Louise Parry. 499 00:35:53,868 --> 00:35:59,010 That I may not be joined in matrimony to this woman, Cassandra Louise Parry. 500 00:36:01,335 --> 00:36:02,887 Do you have the ring? 501 00:36:08,180 --> 00:36:10,209 Half past eleven. 502 00:36:29,126 --> 00:36:33,012 Now repeat after me: I call upon these persons here present. 503 00:36:33,453 --> 00:36:35,587 I call upon these persons here present. 504 00:36:35,896 --> 00:36:39,221 To witness that I, Rodney Charlton Trotter... 505 00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,480 That I, Rodney Charlton Trotter... 506 00:36:46,470 --> 00:36:48,518 I would appreciate it if the guests would conduct themselves 507 00:36:48,553 --> 00:36:52,244 in a manner more becoming to this occasion, thank you. 508 00:36:53,403 --> 00:36:56,093 That I, Rodney Charlton Trotter. 509 00:36:56,768 --> 00:37:02,322 Take this woman, Cassandra Louise Parry, to be my lawful wedded wife. 510 00:37:02,721 --> 00:37:07,091 Take this woman, Cassandra Louise Parry, to be my lawful wedded wife. 511 00:37:08,202 --> 00:37:12,057 Now repeat after me: I call upon these persons here present. 512 00:37:12,484 --> 00:37:14,362 I call upon these persons here present 513 00:37:14,574 --> 00:37:17,254 To witness that I, Cassandra Louise Parry. 514 00:37:17,579 --> 00:37:19,929 To witness that I, Cassandra Louise Parry. 515 00:37:20,187 --> 00:37:24,901 Take this man, Rodney Charl ... Rodney Trotter. 516 00:37:25,750 --> 00:37:27,550 Take this man, Rodney Trotter. 517 00:37:27,728 --> 00:37:29,806 To be my lawful wedded husband. 518 00:37:29,841 --> 00:37:31,799 To be my lawful wedded husband. 519 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:35,859 Now you have both made the declarations required by law 520 00:37:36,191 --> 00:37:41,788 and you have made a solemn and binding contract with each other in the presence of your witnesses, 521 00:37:42,670 --> 00:37:45,626 you are now husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. 522 00:37:46,669 --> 00:37:48,047 Thank you. 523 00:38:29,826 --> 00:38:32,159 You must call us as soon you get back from your honeymoon. 524 00:38:32,194 --> 00:38:33,790 Mum, we haven't even gone. 525 00:38:33,825 --> 00:38:35,788 Don't you be late for your first day at work, Rodney. 526 00:38:35,823 --> 00:38:37,309 No, I'll be there, Alan. 527 00:38:37,344 --> 00:38:40,995 - You'll have to come round for dinner. - Oh thank you, Pamela. 528 00:38:41,030 --> 00:38:42,787 We could invite Del. 529 00:38:44,674 --> 00:38:47,175 He'll most probably be busy. 530 00:38:47,633 --> 00:38:50,265 Well, I'm seeing him on Wednesday. I'll ask him. 531 00:38:50,516 --> 00:38:51,976 You're not going to get drunk again? 532 00:38:52,011 --> 00:38:54,008 No. He's taking me to a pie and mash shop. 533 00:38:54,043 --> 00:38:57,255 - What for? - For pie and mash. 534 00:38:57,290 --> 00:39:00,194 I think I'll just go and say goodbye to a few more people. 535 00:39:02,002 --> 00:39:03,820 What's happened to you? 536 00:39:04,101 --> 00:39:08,400 Ever since you've met Rodney's brother you've become like a born-again hooligan. 537 00:39:08,934 --> 00:39:13,135 It's thanks to you that my daughter's wedding reception is being held at this ghastly pub, 538 00:39:13,837 --> 00:39:18,798 all champagne and welks... there's spoons of jellied eels everywhere. 539 00:39:19,117 --> 00:39:20,892 That's because I like jellied eels. 540 00:39:21,275 --> 00:39:25,558 - Hey Alan! If you want some more of these jellied eels, you better get stuck in, mate! 541 00:39:32,110 --> 00:39:33,797 See you in a minute. 542 00:39:44,502 --> 00:39:48,142 - Are you off then, bruv? - Yeah, off in a minute. 543 00:39:50,406 --> 00:39:59,230 Just wanted to, just wanted to say, Rodney, that I'm really very proud of you. 544 00:40:00,862 --> 00:40:09,816 You've got it all now, ain't you? New job, new flat, new wife, new life. 545 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:19,001 - We had a few good years, eh? - We had some good times. 546 00:40:19,098 --> 00:40:20,900 Right laughs! 547 00:40:20,935 --> 00:40:24,885 And a couple of tears. But still that's what's all about. 548 00:40:26,826 --> 00:40:33,628 - I just wish that Grandad and Mum... - Oh no, shut up! You'll have me going. 549 00:40:42,713 --> 00:40:45,198 I got some bruises. I don't where I got them from. 550 00:40:46,924 --> 00:40:49,803 Goodbye, Del, and thanks for everything. 551 00:40:50,060 --> 00:40:54,876 That's alright. I just got some bruises. 552 00:40:56,934 --> 00:40:58,449 You promise you do me a favour? 553 00:40:58,484 --> 00:41:02,566 - Of course! - Be gentle with him. 554 00:41:03,050 --> 00:41:04,653 Oh shut up! 555 00:41:42,695 --> 00:41:45,436 Rodney's middle name is Charlton. 556 00:41:45,471 --> 00:41:48,884 Oh yeah, it was me mum. She was a fan. 557 00:41:48,919 --> 00:41:52,400 - Oh what? Charlton Heston? - No. Charlton Athletic. 558 00:41:53,717 --> 00:41:57,116 Duke, get off that table. 559 00:41:58,738 --> 00:42:01,082 How come you never got married, Del? 560 00:42:02,477 --> 00:42:08,441 Me? No, I'm too shrewd for that game. 561 00:42:08,476 --> 00:42:11,403 You got engaged, though, didn't you? Lots of times. 562 00:42:11,438 --> 00:42:13,564 So why didn't you marry any of them? 563 00:42:14,353 --> 00:42:16,048 It was Rodney, I suppose. 564 00:42:16,083 --> 00:42:18,363 Rodney stopped you getting married? 565 00:42:19,213 --> 00:42:24,062 Well, back in them days Rodney was just a kid, you know, and I had to bring him up. 566 00:42:25,011 --> 00:42:27,191 You were like a mother and father to him. 567 00:42:27,574 --> 00:42:30,477 Yeah, I breast fed him for the first six months. 568 00:42:31,982 --> 00:42:35,880 No, it's just that all the birds that I went out with they wanted to get married 569 00:42:35,915 --> 00:42:41,343 but they didn't want to bring Rodney up, especially the way he went through shoes. 570 00:42:42,413 --> 00:42:46,413 What was I supposed to do? Get married and put Rodney into care? 571 00:42:50,455 --> 00:42:54,728 I elbowed them. It's family, innit? 572 00:42:56,190 --> 00:43:00,716 You should be proud of yourself. He's turned out a real good 'un. 573 00:43:03,428 --> 00:43:07,582 He's a diamond. A forty-two-carat, diamond. 574 00:43:08,422 --> 00:43:10,261 Come along, Marlene. 575 00:43:11,984 --> 00:43:14,396 I wanna have a word with you during the week. 576 00:43:14,894 --> 00:43:19,247 You should see what that Chinese kid has done to my video recorders. 577 00:43:20,136 --> 00:43:22,619 - Bye, Del. - Bye-bye sweetheart. 578 00:43:31,327 --> 00:43:33,134 - Bye. - Bye, sweetheart. 579 00:43:33,790 --> 00:43:36,046 - Come on, Duke. - Cheerio, Boycie. 580 00:44:27,741 --> 00:44:32,699 Cassandra's dad's feeling a bit unwell. 581 00:44:34,891 --> 00:44:37,019 I told him not to eat all them jellied eels. 582 00:44:38,567 --> 00:44:40,451 I've got to lock up, Del. 583 00:44:41,366 --> 00:44:44,800 Yeah, alright, Mike. Thanks very much for a very nice do. 584 00:44:45,448 --> 00:44:46,620 Cheers, mate. 585 00:45:23,105 --> 00:45:28,790 Hello, Trotter Independent Traders... Oh it's you, Albert... 586 00:45:30,526 --> 00:45:36,107 No, it's alright, I've only this minute got in. Where are you... 587 00:45:37,214 --> 00:45:39,434 oh you're round at Elsie Partridge's are you? 588 00:45:40,127 --> 00:45:48,407 Oh yeah, got your plates of meat under the table there, ain't you, eh? You dirty old goat! 589 00:45:49,672 --> 00:45:54,657 What? No, no, they're back from their honeymoon. 590 00:45:55,258 --> 00:45:57,594 Yeah, I saw Rodney this morning racing off to work. 591 00:45:58,515 --> 00:46:03,631 Yeah, he looked great, he did, nice three-piece suit, smart tie, 592 00:46:04,526 --> 00:46:10,053 and his executive briefcase, the lot... You what? 593 00:46:11,668 --> 00:46:13,675 No, no, I didn't have chance to speak to him. 594 00:46:13,710 --> 00:46:17,424 I was in the van and he came racing past on his bicycle... 595 00:46:20,467 --> 00:46:23,964 The honeymoon? Yeah, I think that went alright, yeah. 596 00:46:24,335 --> 00:46:25,968 He was as white as a sheet... 597 00:46:27,304 --> 00:46:32,093 You what? Oh yeah, you off down the Legion tonight, are you... 598 00:46:32,900 --> 00:46:37,928 Me? No. Well, I'm alone. Well, no, no. 599 00:46:38,734 --> 00:46:43,225 I'm not alone, really; it's just the way I'd like it to be... 600 00:46:44,638 --> 00:46:48,293 No, no thanks very much, Albert. 601 00:46:48,328 --> 00:46:52,905 I appreciate the offer but I'm not in the mood for dominoes tonight... 602 00:46:55,776 --> 00:46:57,398 Yeah, I'll see you when I see you. 603 00:47:23,298 --> 00:47:24,377 Alright? 604 00:47:25,523 --> 00:47:26,906 Yeah, triffic, Rodders. 605 00:47:28,865 --> 00:47:31,289 I am exhausted. 606 00:47:32,125 --> 00:47:36,461 Yeah you look a bit cream crackered. What is it? Executive stress, is it? 607 00:47:36,945 --> 00:47:38,534 No, it's that bike. 608 00:47:40,032 --> 00:47:45,358 The wheels hardly go round, the chain's come off twice and the front light don't work. 609 00:47:46,409 --> 00:47:47,950 Where d'you get it from? 610 00:47:48,331 --> 00:47:50,401 I dunno. It's been in the garage for years. 611 00:47:52,384 --> 00:47:53,913 What's for tea? 612 00:47:54,955 --> 00:47:56,647 I dunno. I got no idea. 613 00:47:59,776 --> 00:48:01,917 Can I say something to you Rodney? 614 00:48:03,892 --> 00:48:08,668 Something that may hold you in good stead in the, you know, future? 615 00:48:09,875 --> 00:48:11,232 Yeah, go on, then. 616 00:48:12,261 --> 00:48:16,740 It's just that, well, how can I put it? 617 00:48:19,184 --> 00:48:22,316 You don't live here no more. 618 00:48:31,607 --> 00:48:34,109 Oh, bloody 'ell! She'll go loopy. 619 00:48:35,718 --> 00:48:38,272 - I'll see you, right? - Yeah, right, bruv. 620 00:48:44,821 --> 00:48:47,484 What a plonker! 621 00:48:54,802 --> 00:48:58,450 Subtitles by NVL 622 00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:02,090 Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player